HIGHER LEVEL PARENTING
II. PROBLEMS
fr_25204c1_1PROBLEMS
There's nothing sacred about these problem headings. They are just for convenience in looking things up. The twenty-five Chapters in this section simply represent the twenty-five kinds of problems that parents brought to the attention of one pediatrician in private practice over a span of more than ten years.

The important thing to notice is that the emphasis is almost never on "getting rid of the problem." What we may call a problem is usually a behavior pattern that every human being knows how to exhibit and does exhibit when the situation calls for it. Our aim is not to erase behavior patterns out of a child's repertoire—that's impossible anyway. We don't want them to lose the capacity to act in a certain way. What we usually want is to have the child exhibit some other behavior pattern at certain times. This requires that the parent learn how to trigger some other behavior pattern. Learning how to do that is what this program is all about!

Although this program is organized around "problems," there is a sense in which this is not really the right way to look at the challenges of parenting. A baby's smile is as much or as little a "problem" as crying. What do you do in response to a baby's smile? That is just as important as what to do in response to a cry. The challenge is to provide an appropriate, nurturing, and, if need be, a corrective response to every behavioral signal that your child gives. A parent needs to have a repertoire of adequate responses to meet those signals on an ongoing, minute-by-minute basis. So the number of "problems" is as large as the number of behavioral signals that babies can give. The word "problem" simply means that our child has given a behavioral signal that we don't know how best to respond to.

1.Advances and Retreats
2.Anxiety, Fears, and Worries
3.Biting
4.Born That Way?
5.Crying, Colic, and Creature Comfort
6.Exploration
7.Food is a Four-letter Word
8.Hitting, Hurting, and Getting Hurt
9.Independence and Autonomy
10.Locomotion
11.Nail biting and Other Rituals
12.Nursing
13.Pacifiers, Thumbs, Blankets
14.Preferences and Choices
15.Resistances and Refusals
16.Screaming and Whining
17.Separations
18.Sharing
19.Shots, Before and After
20.Sibling Rivalry
21.Sleeping and Waking
22.Sphincters
23.Tantrums and Other High Emotions
24.Weaning
25.XYZ

 

 

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